A Peek at Purgatory

Today Gabe posted a pic of the V-Fit space at Spohn Shoreline.  I’ve told you about it before.  This is the place I have been working out all summer.

It looks like this:

Lovely, isn’t it?  Bright, sunny and roomy.

Let me give you a brief tour:

 
 


1. The Box.  This is where the Burpees happen.  Burpees are the fun thing where Gabe makes you drop to your hands, kick your feet out behind you to a push-up position, then bring your feet back in, then jump.  Gabe likes to do sets of 25.  Sometimes 30.  Sometimes more. 

The Box is also for Mountain Climbers and Step Ups.  Gabe likes to do those in sets of 50 or 100.  I mean, Gabe likes ME to do those in sets of 50 or 100.

Also, Gabe loves to do four sets of everything.  Sometimes he likes five sets.  Five sets of 30 burpees is 150 burpees.  Just in case you hadn’t noticed.

2.  The Bosu.  This is a fun toy.  When my kids come with me they LOVE to bounce on the Bosu!  The Bosu is great for increasing stability.  Which is why sometimes Gabe likes me to do Burpees off this instead of the Box.  Sometimes he likes it when I turn the Bosu over and do Sprawls.  Sprawls are kinda like Burpees, only instead of dropping to your hands, you grip the sides of the Bosu, sprawl your legs out, bring them in, then LIFT the Bosu over your head.  One Hundred and Fifty Times.

It’s not heavy.  For the first 75 reps.

The Bosu is also used to do push ups — sometimes your hands are on the bouncy part, sometimes your feet are.  It’s used to balance while you do arm curls with 15 lb dumb bells.  Gabe has ALL sorts of fun with the Bosu.

3.  The Bench.  You’ve heard of the Bench Press.  This is where Gabe gives me 12-20 lb weights and has me press them over my head, or “fly” them (drop my arms to the sides like a cross then pull them over my head) or do “Skull Crushers”.  Skull Crushers are where Gabe gives me the heaviest weight he has in stock and hold my arms straight over my face.  Then I bend my elbows back until the weights are behind my head, then I lift the weights back to over my face.  Fear of being permanently maimed is great incentive for hanging on to the dumb bells.

Gabe’s favorite use of the Bench is to have me do Dips.  Dips use my own body weight to strengthen my triceps.  I sit on the edge with my palms flat on the bench, fingers curling over the edge.  Then I scoot my butt WAY over the edge and “dip” myself.  Then I straighten up.  Considering my body weight is WAY heavier than anything in the V-Fit arsenal, these are one of Gabe’s favorites.

Here is what it looks like:

Oh yeah — he likes me to keep one foot in the air.  Heh.

 4.  The FLOOR.  While this looks like a lovely, open space, this is where I get to do things like “Suicides”, “Bear Crawls”, “Walk Outs” and all the fun abdominal exercises.  The Floor is one of the most difficult stations there is.

5. Machines.  What the photo doesn’t show you is that around the corner resides dozens of exercise machines.  Some work your abs, some your arms, some do legs.  All are really really hard. 

6. The most terrifying of all:  The Scale.  This is where we measure how far we’ve come and how far we’ve got to go.

I hope you enjoyed this little tour of the V-Fit facility.  This area is only a small portion of the whole area, but it’s used to its fullest capacity.  Some day, maybe Gabe will post a pic of the elevator bay where he makes his cousin Albert chase me in circles for 45 minutes.  Or the stairway where sometimes people have to walk ELEVEN flights. 

Like the real purgatory, great suffering goes on here.  So too, like the real purgatory, the suffering will one day be rewarded. 

It will, won’t it?  Please?

My Latest Crush. . .

I have a new crush!

He’s handsome, dark & lean with abs like Michael Phelps.

He’s got big brown eyes and a smile that fills the room.

Sigh.

Did I mention that he has abs like Michael Phelps?  Because he totally does.

Ok — I need to remind everyone that just because I say “crush” doesn’t mean I want to kiss him or anything.  I am very much in love with my husband, who also has abs like Michael Phelps.  Well — like Michael Phelps will have in 10 years if he doesn’t lay off the weed.  (Munchies, man.  Not good.)  It’s a totally platonic crush.

As you can tell, there is a new guy working out at V-Fit.

And he is AWESOME!

His name is Albert.  He’s Gabe’s cousin.  They have really similar builds — lean and muscular.  They each have an almost indescribable intensity.  They are both kind, and funny, and patient with me.

They both kick my ass.

But Albert humbles me.

He gently but deliberately inspires all around him to give a little sumpin’ more.  Because he does.

Albert happens to have cerebral palsy. 

It doesn’t keep him from lapping me during runs, or pushing himself really hard when the rest of us are whining.

He’s totally dreamy.

Especially his abs.

Drool.

Annoying!

Hi!

I’m still fat.

And I’m still cursing a lot so if that bugs you, go back to checking facebook.

Because this is a cursing post.  I’m grumpy.

You’ve been warned,  so I don’t fucking wanna hear it.

OK.  Still fat.

I’m eating clean (ish).  I’m not drinking pop. Or beer.  I’m working out.

Still fat.

Next step:  Portion control.

Hoo-fucking-ray. 

The fact is, that while I eat very healthy food, I still eat too much of it. 

Like there is such a thing as “too much” quinoa.  Whatevs.

So, I’m googling hints on portion control, because we ALL know this shit ain’t gonna happen by itself.

That’s when I noticed it.

I mean, I noticed it!

The exclamation point!  At the end of every hint! And it’s fucking annoying!

Here is a sample of some of the” hints! I read today:

1. At work, why not split take out with a buddy? At a restaurant, pack up half of your meal before you even start eating: Voila! You have an instant dinner!

2. Don’t be embarrassed about asking for a child’s meal. It’s really no big deal. I’ve even got a trick for places that have a “12 and under sign” — I order it to go and then plop right down in the dining room, eat my meal, and give the toy to a kid sitting nearby!

3. Eat when hungry and stop when satisfied or comfortably full. “Try to gauge when you are 80 percent full and stop there,” says Clifford. “There will be more food at the next meal or snack!

(Source — just fucking google it.  This is not a term paper & I am not getting paid for this shit.  I didn’t WRITE those tips. I admit it.  Good enough?)

I don’t object to exclamation points per se.  Hell I TALK in exclamation points!  I write them all the time! I LIKE caps and punctuation for emphasis!

Except when I want facts and not hyperbole. i.e.:  Portion control: step 1: blah, step 2: blah blah, step 3: blah blah blah.

I don’t need any cute PUNCTUATION!  I don’t want to hear “. . .step 3: blah, blah, blah!” like they just came up with this fucking revelation that no one ever thought of.  Split take out with a buddy?!  I did.  And the fucking carrot cake was so good my BUDDY decided to get a slice of red velvet cake too!

I am ANNOYED! that exercising and eating clean and not drinking pop and doing what I am fucking supposed to be doing is not making me thin!  (that was a “!” for anger, not for cute).

I hoped google would have all the answers.

It doesn’t.

I need to weigh and measure my food. 

Try to gauge when you are 80% full. . .. obviously written by someone who has never had a weight problem. If I could do that, dumbass, I wouldn’t be fat!  (again, “!” for anger, not cute).

Next step, portion control.  Great.  I am so fucking happy.  Dammit! 

Just Because I Know You Want to See Him Again

Photo Used Without Permission.  Totally Stolen. 

Here is another pic of Vic.  And my other handsome trainer, Gabe.

Gabe is also handsome, right?  But more in a happily-married-to-a-gorgeous-woman-father-of-two kinda way.

I really love both of these guys.

And based on the last post’s comments?  You also love to look at Vic.

Your Welcome!

Starting Over

Remember how in 2011 I ran one 5K every single month?

Remember how proud I was that I accomplished that goal?

I haven’t run a 5K since December 2011.

Because I am a lazy ass.

Actually, it’s not because I’m lazy.  I’m actually a pretty hard worker.  It’s just that this year, running wasn’t a goal.

So it didn’t happen.

In all fairness, I DID run half a half marathon (6.5 miles) in January.  So that can kinda count for 2 5Ks, right?  But March, April, May, June, I didn’t do anything. 

I miss doing 5Ks.  I miss the people.  I miss the buzz.  I miss the feeling of accomplishment. 

I don’t miss the owie sore muscles & knees, but Gabe does a pretty good job of making me owie during our regular workouts.

Also, I miss Vic.  Vic the Basterd.

I work out with Gabe now.  Which I LOVE.  But Vic and Gabe are usually not in the same place, so while I used to miss Gabe, now I miss Vic. 

I can’t wait to see him tomorrow!

He’s going to see me, then he’s gonna give me a hug.  Then he’s gonna say “Move your ass”. 

I’m gonna say “But I haven’t run in a LONG time”.

He’s gonna say “Bullshit.  No excuses.” See?  Basterd.

Then I’m gonna run as fast as I can for about 50 minutes.  Old people and toddlers are going to leave me in their wakes.  But when I finish the race, my friends will be there shouting for me. 

Even Vic.

Happy Birthday ya Basterd!  I love you!

Topless

Last week, I blogged about how brave my friend Letty is for taking her top off during a boiling hot workout.

This week we moved boot camp away from the water.  We worked out at a park on the base of a bluff.  There was lots more shade.  And lots more hills. 

Letty was there.  And her friend Melinda.  And Albert, Gabe’s cousin.  And me.

And Gabe, of course.

Gabe — always the silent assassin — quietly made us run up hills, then do push ups, then sprint, then do lunges, then sprint some more. . the usual. 

He made us do wall sits.  Here are me & Melinda doing wall sits:

Look Ma!  No chairs!

Doesn’t it look like we’re just hanging out?  Look closer.

Notice the red color of my face?  See how shiny I am?  That’s SWEAT.  If you look really close, you will notice the stringy wet hair surrounding my face.  And the soaked tee shirt.  This was about 10 minutes into our workout.

Shortly after this was taken, Letty took her top off again.  Because it was HOT.  Not only did she take her top off, she was wearing an adorable matching baby blue sports bra-skort combo.

In other words? She took her top off and looked good in it.

She also looked a lot cooler.

So. . .. .I did it too.

I took my top off.

IN PUBLIC.

In front of BOYS.

Boys I didn’t give birth to.

And it was cooler.  I felt lovely & light.  My midriff has never been out in public before.  It’s not red like my face, it’s pink.  Having my top off felt wonderful.

And self conscious. 

It probably improved my form because I was sucking my gut in the whole time.  Not that anyone could tell, but I was.

I am not going to take my top off at every workout.  But when it’s REALLY hot?  I’ll get some matching outfits.

I didn’t actually let Gabe take my pic, but this gives you an idea.